DK's Bumpin' Halloween Bash
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: General Klump gets together with the Kong's for a chance at a thorough spoopin!


Said the alligator king to his seven sons: "Klump! Krusha! You may be two, but I believe in your seven-ness!"

"Aye, Great One," said Klump with a grand bow. His loyalty was so stinkin' epic that it broke the camera with its sheer attitudinal grandeur.

Krusha took out his telescope and spied out the window at the terrible heroes: the Kong family.

DK and Diddy were dressed up like monsters and were coming to Cranky's cabin with grenade launchers aplenty.

"Deary me!" cried Krusha. "I think Donkey Kong is gonna bonk old man Cranky on the noggin!"

"Holy buttz, booger boy!" said K. Rool as he elegantly twirled with so much savage enthusiasm and love for beauty. He took of his own licked teeth and offered them as a sacrifice. "And now I can summon my Pot of Greed from the graveyard!"

Klump noticed the interesting issue and decided to go on reconnaissance for general purposes. He arrived at Cranky's cabin and stared willingly at the doom.

DK and Diddy had successfully placed the C4 all around the cabin and had such great booty to be lootin'.

"Hey, DK!" said Diddy as he took into his own nose and brought forth THE STRAND.

DK looked at the strand and then looked at the skies. Kojima looked down from the clouds, playing his magical harp and granted DK the flight ability.

"He is just like Lady Palutena!" said DK happily as he traversed the skies with his inherited Elytra.

Klump gasped when he saw Cranky. He knew about the booby traps and now Cranky was mere moments from experiencing the ownership of doomed death.

"I am so angry at life and cornbread!" muttered Cranky as he used his cane like an angry life-hater who also disliked bread made from corn.

Diddy snickered and then took to his banana storage. He placed it in front of his grandpa thing's feet as a sign of servitude. "O, the holy moly!" sang the monkey individual.

"Oh, you stink," said Cranky crankily and he swatted Diddy with the golf club that was actually his cane.

DK wept as he saw Diddy do a moon jump cheat code. Such exploits were banned from Any Percent.

Klump then made his presence known and Cranky was very grateful because Klump was highly attractive and deserved a medal for those merits.

"Don't trust in his sneaky heart, Cranky!" cried DK with the tears of manly condolences for justice, Diddy, and bananas.

"I can trust whomever I please," said Cranky with incorrect grammar. He charged into Bluster's barrel factory and procured the last jar of honey.

"I hate technology," said Bluster as he shoved his comb into the computer and used the printer to create… life…

Yes, Bluster was so cool and dudish, that he could even stop the homies he vibed with the most… from dying…

DK gasped. "He could actually prevent homeboys from breaking chains with the earthen realm?"

"Aye," said Cranky. He took off his costume and revealed that he was actually Dark Lord Ape-itine.

"How did I not know?" wept Klump, fearing for the whole world's survival. "I should have learnt that this man was not actually Da Crank. That is why DK and Diddy were trying to capture him with the dangerous tools!"

"Indeed," said DK tie tied like a tie. "It is Halloween and Diddy and I were dressed up like monsters for spooky reasons. Now the matter is most terrible."

"Crikey!" said Funky. He was flying on his plane , dressed up as an Australian vampire looking over at Dark Lord Ape-itine's lightning power. Now Yoda was our only hope.

"No, y'all," said Yoda from behind the scenes. "There is another…"

This was such a mystical statement and it made everyone feel the pressures of adulthood. Now there were chores to be done and bills to be paid. DK had all the money to do it like a senator of hope, but Ape-itine was a very evil senator.

"Shrouds of applause are gonna do bad things," said Diddy from his space adventure. He captured the sight on his Nokia and made a vlog about it.

"What is life?" asked Funky, placing a hand on Klump. Klump wept and embraced the hunky man of funk. He could feel the tenderness of Funky's asmr voice reach across the firmaments of woe and misery.

"What maniacal tendencies does Ape-itine forbode?" asked Klump. He looked over and saw Krusha and King K. Rool wearing their costumes, a mummy and a gummy, respectively. "Ah shucks…"

And then the corn-husking began…

Funky took two toenails of wisdom and jammed them into the N64. The best game ever appeared on your local network: Superman 64.

DK played the game using only a single ear and a single ring on his finger. Now was the true challenge: the speedrun of the ages.

DK pulled off the sickest, meatiest BLJ anyone had ever seen. K. Rool gasped and then became more gummy for he was really into the costume contest.

"Hold on," said Ape-itine. "Don't you all deserve candy for your goodness?"

DK nodded. He took of the jack-o-lantern and stuffed it full of Jolly Ranchers and Airheads.

"C'mon, dude, it's Airheads…" said Diddy on the megaphone.

Ape-itine saw the megaphone, cried, and shot lightning at it, crushing Diddy's poor monkey soul.

"Dude," said Funky, for his rear was still stupid cool. "We gotta get treating the crops." He planted many apple trees which caused scads of food to flourish like a bewildering fantasy.

"But this fantasy is final…" said Klump sadly. He placed his boot upon the grave of Diddy's megaphone and sang a glorious tune. The sky spirits were appeased and lent more candy to the Kremlings.

"Good work, my general with the big tush," said K. Rool, being his gummiest. "Now we have more sustenance than the ugly Kongs."

"Thank you for your respect, Sire," said Klump with the sharpest salute this side of Northern Wales.

**THE END**

**HAPPY SPOOP DAY!**


End file.
